he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
