hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
