no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
