I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
