I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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