I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
