There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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