Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
