I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
