Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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