Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
