I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He has the fingertips of a God
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
