Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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