guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
