I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
