my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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