I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
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