Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
