dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
