is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
