bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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