K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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