Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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