At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
