I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
