it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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