smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
