She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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