there's paper in my vomit.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
