I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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