The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
