i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
