When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
