dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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