Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
