tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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