Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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