8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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