I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
