I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
