apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
