Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
