my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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