We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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