Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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