Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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