There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
