I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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