My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
