What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
