Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
