I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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