I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
