Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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