I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i've created a new STD.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
