My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
