I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
