people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
