But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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