Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
