everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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