Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
