turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
