There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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