I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
