This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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