i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
