Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
