I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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