at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
