Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
